no meme, just random spewings

I seem to have that post malaise some other bloggers are suffering. I can't seem to form a coherent, much less interesting, string of sentences to constitute a post. Ack.

I feel like a cat with a stubborn furball.

See? I can't even come up with interesting imagery.

Anyhow, here is some random spewings from my brain:

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I went to mall today in search of a party dress worthy of the most magical and soon to be one year old, Ms. Bumper. I have a hard time shopping for Bump because I hover ever so gingerly between absolute mania (buy everything in sight) to stinginess (how much wear can she get out of this absolutely perfect, matches everything, six dollar shirt?). It's a difficult line to walk and is made more difficult when I actually take her with me. Today was one of those days.

I came home with one item for her: another hat. I just bought her two last week, and I came home with another one for her. I'm certifiable. It's not even the best hat. It makes her look like Andre 3000. Husband thinks I should return it and I think he's right.

I must clarify that there's anything wrong with looking like Andre 3000. But it's not the look I strive for when dressing my 11 month old girl.

Of course, once I got home, I decided I best liked the first two dresses I saw in the first store I visisted. And the store only had one of each left in her size. So I either go back tomorrow or keep looking. It ticks me off that I'm so damn indecisive sometimes.

Speaking of the two dresses, I find it strange that they look nothing alike. One is really girly, and in fact is way over the top girly which is a look I don't usually do for Bump. The other dress is more like me, a simple but pretty dress with no girly touches, save for the fact that it is a dress. So I guess if I do go back and am forced to decide between girly or tomboyish, I may just bite it and purchase both because I can never make up my mind until held at gunpoint. Which is absolutely unecessary when shopping for children's clothing.

Truth be told, I'm avoiding the topic that I'm actually think about: dressing my daughter girly style. I wasn't dressed that way and husband thinks she looks the best in her comfy overalls and t-shirts. And I agree, so when I do dress her up, I select no-pink, no-tulle, no-lace dresses. But for some reason I want to dress her like a little girl for her birthday and it's driving me insane. I'm having a hard time reconciling with giving into my lacy, pink, frothy doll fantasy and my projected tom-boy image I've assigned my daughter.

Then I slap myself and say "it's just a dress, deal with it".

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Moving right along.... I need to know if anyone else has the same irrational paranoia as I do. When approached by another mom or person identifying themselves as a mom, do they ever ask you simple baby-related questions that you do NOT want to answer?

Because I don't mind if a mom asks me "how old?", "how much did/do they weigh?", "is she walking?" and other development milestones.

I may lie just to screw with them but the questions don't bother me per se.

But one question bugs me.

It bugs me a lot and I think I might just be a wee bit strange. I hate being asked "what is her name?". I usually will just ignore the question if possible or keep talking like I haven't heard them. But I find the type that asks that question, usually persists and asks again. I usually lie if I'm by myself.

It happened to me today and I was taken off guard (it was the second question she asked me and I was busy and not really paying attention). I don't really understand my reaction because the other questions are somewhat personal but there is something about my baby's name that takes it to the realm of "excuse me, that is really personal, why would you ask me that?". Am I blowing this out of proportion? Anyone else?

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I talked to my mom today and it turns out she went to see the Rolling Stones this weekend with my dad. My parents are both in their seventies, they are more of a Peter, Paul and Mary type and I'm pretty sure they both shunned the Stones as young adults.

It was really freakin' funny to hear my mother say:

"that Mike (yup, she thought his name was Mike) was wearing a beautiful, shiny grey suit and at the end of the first set (yes, she said set) he took off the blazer and he was wearing the most wonderful red sequinced blouse (yup, she said blouse)."

OMG. What if my dad shows up for Bumper's first birthday wearing a red sequinced shirt? I don't think I could ever recover from that and it would be stamped on my brain forever. Gah.

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Okay, that's enough randomness. Thanks for letting me spew. Back to regular programming tomorrow.

keep an eye on her folks, you never know what she's going to cough up

I swear I didn't mean to use this language in my post

Oh that Mrs. Chicky has another great meme going! Check it out, it's short and sweet.

Here are the "rules": grab the closest book and copy lines 5 through 8 on page 123.

So here we go:

"What the fuck is that! Nurse! What the fuck is that!"
She was sitting up, her legs spread, lifting her butt off the bed, covering her bloodied c**t with her hand.
The nurse on this shift had been a bitch.
"That's its foot. Take your hand away! Leave it alone!"
I did not want to see the baby's foot.

Ummmm... yeah... I couldn't bring myself to type that** word out because I hate it. Even when I read it, I flinch. So sorry about that folks but it was there and I wasn't just going to grab another book and cheat.

The book is called "Candy" by Luke Davies and it's about a couple living with herion addiction in Australia. It apparently will be a film soon with Heath Ledger so I wanted to read it before it was ruined by Hollywood. Because it probably will be. Ruined that is.

This book isn't for the faint of heart. Language aside, I actually had to skim one chapter that focused on needle use and abuse. And I'm not THAT squeamish. But I'm glad I read the book. This is a full circle tale that starts in the middle. I like stories like that because when you meet new friends, that generally how it goes.

Hey. I never claimed to be a book reviewer so don't knock my grade three analysis of things. It's a story of love and drugs. What more do you need?

That's right, you need food. I'm off to make lunch now. Cheerio! Have a great weekend and if you are local get your butt out to Word on the Street because reading is a good thing (duh ;).

dysfunctional families

First I want to say, thank you for your feedback on my new banner. I'm still playing with the links and template so that may not be coming for a while. Project Organization is plagued with ennui, everything I try looks blah next to the banner so I must go back to the ol' drawing board. Anyhow, on with the post.

So I got double hit by the tag this week. I got hit with the meme tag by Mrs. Chicky of the always a good read Chicky Chicky Baby and Katrinka Bobinka who I just met over the blogsphere via comments. I was asked to list my 10 favorite TV characters of all time.

So that's cool because I love TV. One of my mother's biggest child rearing regrets is not protesting all the tv my brother and I were allowed to watch after school instead of putting us in some sort of supervised after-school activity. We were both shy and hated group things so we were absolutely pleased. Mind you, we would have been happier if she had let us out of the house to roam the neighbourhood like she did when she was home but since we were with the sitter, we were "ordered" to watch tv in the safety of our rec room. Oh yeah baby, it was the 70's and we had a wood paneled rec room complete with orange flowered print curtains and black nogahide sofa. Loved it!

Anyhow, I'm glad I'm not a kid now and at the mercy of present day tv shows. My head would have exploded. My brother and I had basically PBS and CBC so we watched a lot of ZOOM, The Famous Five, The Goodies and our all time favourite, the one that drove us mad from the theme's first few bars, Get Smart. Life was so simple back then.

TV now a days still produces gems in my opinion (at least for the adult audiences since I don't really watch many children's shows). And I had a really hard time deciding who to put on my list. So after much excruciating, anxiety-inducing, scientific method approved decision making (picked out of a hat), I've shortened my list to ten:

(1) By far, the first one to come to mind is Franklin from Arrested Development. He hijacked every scene he was in, in this absolutely wonderful and too-short lived show. Who doesn't like Franklin? Stupid people, that's who.
(2) Gob, oh Gob. Your abuse use of "Final Countdown" by Europe was steller and your relationship with Franklin made me howl. I miss you dude.
(3) Tobias Funke and his denial of homosexuality reminded me of so many men I've met. I will never look at the Blue Man Group or Hair Club for Men the same ever again.
(4) Before you think I have a thing about Arrested Development (I do but I digress) Dwight Schrute. Who didn't (doesn't) have a Dwight in their office or on their team or in their class?
(5) Tony, Tony, Tony. I fucking adore this man.

(6) Audrey Horne from Twin Peaks. Always smoking, always scheming, always bad. A girl after my own teenage heart.


(7) Dr. Johnny Fever. Could a character be any more laid-back and cool? At least, that is what I thought as a young, naive child. Now I think: lucky-to-have-a-job-stoner. I still love him though.


(8) Jack Bauer. Now that's my kind of guy. And anytime I think I'm having a shitty day, it can never be as bad as one of Jack's.


(9) Stewie Griffin. A wee nipper out to kill his mother and regain power over central Europe. Let's hope Bumper is only interested in Europe.


(10) Because I couldn't decide and I had hit ten, Shake, Frylock and Meatwad of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force. If you haven't seen it then I can't really explain what you're missing. If you don't like cartoons for adults then I'd say you need to get in touch with your inner child.

And there you have it, my top ten list. Since I can never figure out who wants to be tagged and who has been tagged, if you want to do this, I tag you (a cop out, I know). Tell me if you are going to do it because I love hearing other peoples choices. I told you, I love TV.

Under Construction

I'm trying to do some new stuff to my blog (part of Project organization, yee haw!) so if you see something screwy with the header or the sidelines just please excuse the appearance because I'm under construction y'all (feedback appreciated).

I also finally got my blog links back though they are not complete (so maybe Project organization isn't going too well. By failing to complete a task right off the bat, I'm setting my bar low...WAY low).

Oh yeah. I'm a Mac user so if any one visiting using Internet Explorer via Windows notices anything strange I'd be very happy if you left a comment so I can try to fix it. It looks okay to me from Safari and Firefox but all and any feedback is appreciated.

And that picture above is of Bumper, eleven days old and in her first toy truck. She started living large right off the get go.

lazy saturday

We went to the grocery store this morning and to my absolute joy I saw these out front:


I love everything related to October especially Hallowe'en. I was so pleased when I discovered I was having an October baby (next time though, I'm having a Spring baby... Winter is too lonely to be a new mommy).

I had to get Bumper these spider pj's because they are so scary.

Have I mentioned that I live for scary movies? Though I have noticed since becoming a mommy, I no longer am able to tolerate some of the stuff that used to make me giggle and watched through fingers. Mind you, Haute Tension is still my favorite slasher flick. I saw it at the TIFF three years ago and bought it went it came out on DVD last year. Wicked soundtrack and wonderful actors. I must warn: if you can't take blood than don't see this one but if you want a good bloody slasher flick to rent this Hallowe'en, this will fit the bill.

Speaking of scary things, this is what I looked like a year ago this week. It was my last day at work and I felt like Orca. I still had three weeks to go.

I'm loving that Fall is in the air now that I'm resigned to the fact that Summer is over. Farewell humid nights, hello down-filled duvets!

the post where I ask: how many times did you have to reheat your cup of tea today?

I had to do it three times.

Now, that's just wrong and I usually throw the tea out at the third-reheat point, just to make another and let it happen again. I'm not the only one on this train in vain, right?

She just keeps me so busy. I'm absolutely blown away at how busy she has become.

On a rainy day like today (I should clarify: I wrote this on Wednesday but didn't have time to finish it so just pretend it rained today, k?). As I was saying before I interrupted myself:

On a rainy day like today I'm always scratching my head for things to do. Bumper is getting more and more toddle-like each day. She will soon be a full-blown toddler and I'm both scared and welcoming of that particular day; you know, the day the toddle hits the fan.

Bumper now involves me more in her games. We smile at each other and she laughs so hard when she "tricks" me that I wish I could catch it all on video and share it with everyone I know (and don't know). But that would be annoying.

But I will corner you long enough to regale you with Bumper's "Top Three Tricks" to play on mom:

1. Offer mom food and once it's in mom's mouth, whip it back out and eat it yourself. LAUGH RIOT!
2. Pull mom's hair and jump on her head. Never fails to get the laughs.
3. Drop all and any objects/food off the side of the stroller/high chair and make mom fetch it. Doesn't always work but when mom falls for it, it gets the laughs.

Ah the joys of being a toddle-baby.

As you can gather, I don't really know what to call her developmental stage. So I'm making word-things up.

Anyway, I was vexed by the rain because if I don't get Bumper out and about for at least an hour each day she won't go down at night. I need to exhaust her and that in itself is exhausting. What to do when you live in a small apartment with a lobby full of old folks who don't like it when I bring the baby downstairs.

I know, I hate to play into the stereotype but I just can't believe they don't want to touch her and steal her youthful life-juices like most old folks on the street and hallways (or at least that is what I think they are doing since they are so compelled to touch my baby even when I obviously don't want them to touch my baby). Whoops that turned into a rant. The point is: don't touch my baby.

No wait, that wasn't what I was talking about.

These folks like to sit in peace in the neat little lobby. So what is a mom to do?

We race the halls folks! Bumper spent a full 20 minutes racing down our floor's hallway before taking a break. It was wonderful. She was filthy but laughing her butt off and let me tell you, she was exhausted. One more thing to do and add to the rainy day list. Sweet.

Next time I think I'll wrap her in plastic.

doooo it... come on now.... DO IT!

Edited to add:
I had to add an update to this post. Sunshine Scribe has written a great post on the same subject. The stats are mind blowing and she really knows what she's talking about. Please read her post also. All I ask is that we educate each other.

On with the post!:

I love a good challenge, especially when I know I will succeed. I mean come on, if you know you could do it (and seriously, everyone can do this request.... honestly, everyone really can!) why wouldn't you do it? Okay, I can only link to the same thing so many times before it gets annoying (whoops, couldn't resist). Honestly though... do it. Now.

Wait! Read this first:

Recently, HBM put forth the request for readers to "write a post about a cause that you are passionate about". Well duh I guess you already knew that. It's not like I haven't left a gazillion links. Heck now, I've provided enough links to sink a ship.

But seriously, I've been meaning to do something about this (no really, I have) and Bad Mom once again was timely in her posting and inspired me to get it out there.

Back in the day, I was one of kids that always tried to do something, anything really, when I heard about global issues that pierced my heart (the forcing of genital mutilation on girls around the world, Father Abe in India asking us to raise money to build a new school so the girls of the village have a place to learn and the famine in Ethiopia are the ones that I remember vividly). Thankfully I was lucky enough to go to a school run by the Sisters of Charity and they were a feisty bunch. In another post I will regale with some marches we went on, lead by Sister Peters and Sister Heff but I will save that for another time.

If there was an issue to be pressed, Sister Heff knew I was the kid to hit to get the word moving. She introduced me to Amnesty International and showed me how little ol' me, at 4 foot nothin' and 70 pounds soaking wet, could make a difference. That's right. Me. I could make that difference.

So when HBM made the call for causes close to my heart, two causes instantly came to mind: violence against women and AI.

I have someone very close to me (well she was, until he came along and quietly, connivingly, isolated her) who is living in hell (the hell he's made for her). She hasn't found the strength (yet) but I'll always be here to hold her when she finally leaves him. I don't want to be identifying her body instead. I'm not joking. I'm sure it will be one way or the other. I'm not comfortable talking about this but I need you to understand how much this cause means to me. Sometimes it's all I can do.

So please take the time to read Amnesty's Stop the Violence campaign. Think of your sisters near and far, the ones right next door and the ones in places you've never been. Go here to find out about ways you can make a difference. Yes. YOU. You can make the difference.

Women in ALL countries are facing violence from so many fronts. They are mutilated, raped, beaten down and so little seems to be done.

Take the time to read about:

• 10,000 voices they have got 2100 so far, your name will make a difference here.
  
• Stolen Sisters how many Indigenous Canadian women must die before someone takes action?
  

You can do so much from the place you sit right now.

Yes. You.

You can make the difference.

Go make Sister Heff proud.

I probably won't hit publish on this until monday night

And I'm correct about that.

Is it something in the air? I think it smells like lazy. I don't know how to describe it. It's not lack of inspiration for writing posts; I have a half-dozen half-done (or half-baked?) posts in the oven but I'm feeling distracted and lazy. I need a fire under my butt or something along those lines.

Since I got back from out East I have been trying to catch up on my reading and I've let writing posts sit on the wayside. Mostly I've been visiting my favorites (thank goodness for bloglines) and catching up on a few new-to-me blogs, and leaving comments when I get a few minutes to make a coherent statement (and sometimes not so coherent). So as I said, I've been trying to finish a post (or five) but not quite getting to the end of anything publishable.

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Actually what I need is organization. I've been flying by the seat of my pants for just over 11 months now and it's just got to stop. PB (PreBumper) I was super organized and was addicted to all things organized related.

My favorite show was Neat, I'd go to IKEA at the drop of a hat* just to check out what was new in the storage department and I used to spend hours organizing my bills, expenses, work stuff, dvd/cd's, books, kitchen cupboards, what ever needed my attention. I think you get the picture.

* okay, I still do that but now I cruise the kiddie department and reminisce in storage.

Now I don't even know what night Neat is on and my papers are in bags with bills crammed in hilly-nilly (yes. I just said hilly-nilly) and I feel a wee bit (translation: A LOT) stressed and disorganized.

Project organization is underway as we type. Motherbumper has some stuff to do and it's going to get done. I've been inspired in so many directions that I don't want to try to cover them here. Stayed tune for plans and progress reports.

First call to order:
HBM has made a wonderful and inspiration request: "write a post about a cause that you are passionate about". That is the kind of fire-under-my-butt kick-in-the-pants that I needed. Hell ya! Stayed tuned for that one coming up next on Motherbumper. You've got to read that post by HBM even if you don't intend to write a response post. It's that kind of post.

So back to me (my blog, my rules): This post request and Project organization will help tackle the stress and kill the disorganization. I need structure people and structure I will build!

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Mind you, I'm not that stressed out at present. I have been enjoying Bumper now that she's a full blown almost-toddler and she distracts me all the time. Having the past couple of weeks with Bumper AND Husband has made me feel like I actually had a vacation (I slept in one morning until 10 am folks, 10 AM! And I went to bed early the night before. Hey! Don't hate me because I'm semi well-rested).

I also got to go to a movie with husband. Just the two of us! GAH! And then we went to actual food establishments with table service (a feat never performed by the Amazing Bumper) more than once. And we didn't have to run out of any of the restaurants in a panic, thinking all the patrons and staff hate us because of a Bumper meltdown. Not once! OMG!

So that is what I did on my summer vacation. The End.

Actually, that summer vacation description is not 100% accurate. I also got that cold you might have heard about: killer throat, tired, gastric yuckiness and non-stop stuffed-uppidness*. But I can't even try to explain how wonderful it was to get sick in a place where someone wanted to take care of me AND my baby. I love my parents. So. Freakin'. Much.

* not actual medical terms

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Anyway. I didn't intend for this to be "what I did on my summer vacation" kind of post. Or an excuse for my laziness (well maybe it is). I just want to shout out and say something. Anything to get over my lazy-writer's block. I've missed the conversations and I'm jonesing. I'm so glad to be back. Weeeee!

yeehaw!

Bluenose Baptism

I can't tell you how much I miss the ocean since I moved to Ontario. The lake just doesn't cut it. When I first arrived in Toronto some kind soul took pity on my martime yearnings and took me to an area of town called the Beaches. I just dismissed it as a sandbox in close proximity to water. Now I recognize the beauty it holds but at the time... feh. My pelagic snobbery was too strong to see the exquisiteness it has to offer.

Now that I have Bumper in my life, I had to introduce her to the place that I go in my mind when I meditate, the place I went when I felt overwhelmed many years ago, the place that never let me down.

We let her squish her toes in the sand.
Swing over the water.Let the ocean tempt her. And it did. She would have dove right in if it hadn't been for Dad's firm grip.
I wish I had recorded the sounds for you to hear. I miss the bubbles that surround each of the surf's offerings.
and the treasures to be found.
I'm looking forward to heading home this Friday (oh my! Did I just call Toronto home? What is this confusion I find by typing those words? Is there a post in there? Yup).

Short of the long: I want to share my solace with you. If I could post the beach - trust me, I would.